Prohibition of refusing sex ~ Hi all readers! In this article, I will explain the law of refusing sex. What I mean is, if there is a husband inviting his wife to have sex, but his wife refuses, what about Islamic comments about that?
If we understand the title of this article, “Prohibition of Refusing Sex…”, of course, we know that it is strictly prohibited. We can find information about the ban in the following hadith.
Hadith About Prohibition of Refusing Sex
The hadith about prohibition of refusing sex that I mean is as follows:
عَنْ أَبِيْ هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ , قَالَ : إِذَا بَاتَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ هَاجِرَةَ فِرَاشِ زَوْجِهَا , لَعَنَتْ الْمَلَائِكَةُ حَتَّى تَصْبَحَ
From Abu Hurairah radliyallahu ‘anhu, from the Prophet (Muhammad) sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, “If at night there is a wife who refuses to sleep with her husband (refuses to have sex), then the angels will curse her until morning.”
عَنْ أَبِيْ هُرَيْرَةَ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ , قَالَ : إِذَا دَعَا الرَّجُلُ امْرَأَتَهُ إِلَى فِرَاشِهِ فَأَبَتْ أَنْ تَجِيْءَ لَعَنَتْهَا الْمَلَائِكَةُ حَتَّى تَصْبَحَ
From Abu Hurairah, from the Prophet (Muhammad) sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, he said, “If someone invites his wife to bed (having sex), then she refuses, then the angels will curse her until morning.”
وَ فِيْ رِوَايَةٍ أُخْرَى قَالَ رَسُوْلُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : وَالَّذِيْ نَفْسِيْ بِيَدِهِ , مَا مِنْ رَجُلٍ يَدْعُوْ امْرَأَتَهُ إِلَى فِرَاشِهِ فَتَأْبَى عَلَيْهِ , إِلَّا الَّذِيْ فِيْ السَّمَاءِ سَاخِطًا عَلَيْهَا حَتَّى يَرْضَى عَنْهَا
In another narration, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said, “By God, my soul is in His power, it is not a husband who invites his wife to bed (having sex) then she refuses, except creatures in the sky will curse her until her husband is pleased.”
But the question then is, what if the wife invites her husband to have sex but the husband refuses? Are the consequences the same?!
Honestly, I say, I have not found data on Islamic history that equates the consequences if the husband refuses to invite his wife to have sex. But keep in mind is, that the husband must pay attention to his wife’s condition. What I mean is, there are several conditions that prohibit women from having sex. In fact, if she did that, then she sinned.
What conditions are meant? What I mean is when a woman is menstruating. If a woman is menstruating, she cannot have sex, even if her husband invites her to do it. If her husband invites her to do that, then she must refuse in a good manner.
One more important thing I want to say, the husband must get along with his site in a good way. Allah Taala says;
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمۡ أَن تَرِثُواْ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرۡهٗاۖ وَلَا تَعۡضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذۡهَبُواْ بِبَعۡضِ مَآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأۡتِينَ بِفَٰحِشَةٖ مُّبَيِّنَةٖۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ فَإِن كَرِهۡتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡٔٗا وَيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيۡرٗا كَثِيرٗا ١٩
O you who believe! it is not lawful for you that you should take women as heritage against (their) will, and do not straiten them in order that you may take part of what you have given them, unless they are guilty of manifest indecency, and treat them kindly; then if you hate them, it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it. (An-Nisa’ ; 19).
That is a brief explanation of prohibition of refusing sex. May be useful! Amen!
See you in the next article!
Musthafah Muhammad Abu ‘Imarah, al-Inarah fi Ahaditsi Mukhtarah bin Shahihi al-Imam Muslim, al-Iman Publishing, Cairo, 2017, p. 92-96.